NOTE: I apologize for the excessive “side notes” in this post.
I. Just. Couldn’t. Help. Myself.
Just the other day my girlfriend called me very distraught about a situation that had happened between her and a man that she had been dating. He pursued her very aggressively and they have been seeing each other for about two months, talking on the phone or going out on a daily basis.
My friend was very comfortable with where this “relationship” was going.
Side Note: I use my “quotation fingers” for the word “relationship” because “he” had kind of never agreed to be in a “relationship.” She just kind of figured for the amount of time they spent on the phone and going out that it was going into a “relationship.” And this is where the problem started. This was the foundation of the “relationships” demise.
Another Side Note: Ladies (and hear read me VERY carefully), if a guy HAS NOT agreed to be in a “relationship” with YOU specifically… (Insert drum roll here)….. YOU’RE NOT in a “relationship” with him. So don’t assume just because you guys have been LIVING THE VIDA LOCA and cozying up for a few months that he’s exclusively seeing just you. This is a talk that requires both of your responses…not just YOUR vivid imagination. Just FYI.
Soooo, he tells her that he’s going to call her back in 20 minutes one day and she didn’t hear from him for four days.
She went insane.
I mean like “Swim Fan” insane.
She went from a very classy woman to a psycho, killer, crazy, serial phone caller lady.
She called him several times on the first day and when day two rolled around she called even more, but this time implementing the texting ammunition. On the third day it got worse when she went all “mass murderer” on him and on day number four; he answered his phone and acted like nothing had ever happened.
Never mentioning why he didn’t answer or return her calls and he never questioned if there was an emergency.
Side Note: Because surely it should have been an emergency if you call someone over 20 times (and I’m sure it was more), right?
Another Side Note: And then I got confused that women still did things like this:(
Her first mistake was being a psycho, killer, crazy, serial phone caller lady. Not only did she portray herself as unstable, she also didn’t get the answers or response she wanted from this fella.
Now, I know for a FACT that my girlfriend isn’t the only chick out here calling a guy way too many times in the dating phase of a “situation” so let me give you the pointers I gave her:
When a guy STOPS answering your phone call, he just simply doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. His phone wasn’t broke and he wasn’t in the emergency room, he just DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
As rude and inconsiderate as it seems…as disrespectful as we THINK it is, it’s okay for him to do that because you aren’t in a “relationship” with him.
Side Note: Stop living in a fantasy world of imaginary boyfriends. (I.e. Just cause you live with a man doesn’t make him your “husband.”) Nuff said!
Now if you were this guy’s girlfriend, I’m sure he would have NEVER done this to you in the first place, but he did because you’re not.
Side Note: The phone could either be a weapon of mass destruction or a magic wand in your journey to winning the guy you’re interested in over. THE FASTER YOU LEARN THIS, THE SOONER YOU’LL BE TO LIVING A SANE AND PEACEFUL LIFE.
Men and women view the phone very differently.
Men use the phone more for business purposes (especially if he’s getting money like he’s suppose to be) *Pauses*(just for a second so that you can reexamine your “situation” if he’s not. Again…step your game up!). And women use the phone as a social tool because we fall in love through our ears.
So if you’re a chick that has been dating a man for a few months and think that you’re in a relationship with him but you’re not quite sure …
Side Note: This doesn’t count for the women who are dating men that have BLATANLY told you that he wasn’t interested in having a girlfriend “right now” aka “never with YOU.” That just makes YOU stupid.
…and he’s kind of cUT yOU oFF, you can redeem yourself from calling him too much and lOOking desperate.
Step One:
Don’t call him anymore. PERIOD. Stop dialing his phone number. If you don’t remember his number by heart already (as you shouldn’t because that would definitely make you crazy), erase it out of your phone.
The person that calls the most has the most feelings and since this is the beginning of a relationship something, you want the guy to pursue you.
He’s the hunter.
You want to be chased.
Your role, at this stage, is to sit back and be a prize.
Let HIM pursue YOU.
DON’T CALL HIM ANYMORE. PLEASE.
If he wants to talk to you, he’ll call you. PERIOD.
Now I know that this is hard to deal with for women who are use to letting your phone possess you, but if it hasn’t been working for you thus far, why keep doing it? Seriously, just try it out for two weeks. I promise you…this works. All the men in the world are the same and have been since the beginning of time. They like to chase. End of story.
Step Two:
Believe it or not, he’s going to call you back. It might be days, weeks, or months until you hear from him again, but he’s going to call back (so let go of thinking that all is lost).
Men, for the most part, are very predictable. He’s going to wonder why you stopped calling him because in all actuality, he liked the attention.
DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE.
I REPEAT, DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE!
Let him call for no less than a week before you answer the phone (ONLY if you even want to talk to him again, which I wouldn’t :/).
As hard as that may seem (because you’re just itching for answers) you’re going to have to keep yourself busy AT ALL TIMES. Get out the house, take a class, DO ANYTHING that’ll keep you from touching that phone because you have to let him know that you’re just as busy as he is.
Step Three:
When you do ANSWER (Note: I didn’t say “Call Him Back”) the phone (after the week is out), don’t have an ATTITUDE, don’t COMPLAIN or NAG him, and don’t QUESTION him about why he didn’t return any of your calls. Answer the phone with a smile on your face and act as if nothing had ever happened.
Believe me…this works.
Men are use to us women getting upset over the most basic things so don’t be that typical chick who always wants to “talk” about her feelings.
Side Note: A woman that’s upset is a woman who is easy to read. And you don’t want to be easily read, especially in the beginning, because that makes you familiar and when you’re familiar you become boring and being a bore + a psycho serial caller = You Playing Yourself. Hard.
Don’t ask him how he’s been and don’t talk about what you’ve been doing over the last few weeks. Act like you just got off the phone with him a few hours ago and you’ve been having the time of your life. Keep the conversation to a 10 minute maximum.
When time to hang up, tell him you have to do something insanely stupid like going to a knitting expo (he has to know where he is at this point at the priority level of your life). He’s not going to believe that you would rather do something stupid like a knitting expo than to hang out with him and that’s going to pique his interest in you again. Just a few weeks prior you were a dumb broad with no self control and now you’ve become unattainable.
You: But Tiphani why do I have to play games with these guys. Why can’t I just let them know how I really feel?
Me: *bangs head on concrete wall* Haven’t you read anything I wrote? Men hunt. The species that they hunt are called game. The basic truth is either you play the game or you’ll lose every single time. It just is what it is.
It’s hard to remain emotionless in the beginning and not complain when something like this happens, but your complaining is not going to change him from being disrespectful.
The only person you can change is yourself.
So before you stop (or start) eating, gaining and losing weight and going through the changes of life or a man, JUST LET IT ALL GO. Change how you react to the situation and things will end up much better.
You can’t control his actions, you can only control yours and at the end of the day, your peace of mind is the only thing that’s important.
I truly hope this helps someone, because it works GREAT for me.
Just remember, men only do what you let them do.
Raise your standards and DON’T CALL HIM NO MO!
Because I want you to believe in yourself.
HARDER than you ever thought possible.
xo
Tiphani
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{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }
This article really opened my eyes to the word “relationship” because this word can be misused, especially if you’ve been kicking it with a guy for a couple of years and you may feel like you in a relationship but the truth is you really isn’t. When the truth comes out that he’s dating someone else and he doesn’t want to see you anymore, reality hits but thats a trap females fall into all the time. But I like THE DO NOT CALL HIM, let him chase you. I do that and it works. Everything you said in the post is true. Thanks, Tiphani!
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Tiph…Tiph…Tiph…this is well written and should be shared with all women. I too have been that psycho caller (maybe about 5 years ago) and it is to easy to fall into these habits.
I wish I had a friend to give me some “real talk” advise when I was dealing with this.
Thank you for your honesty…we women needed this!
This was definitely a good read. But I disagree with some of what you wrote. Black males do not like to excessively chase black females. We don’d mind “pursuing” you a little but that is completely different than us calling you several times in a week and you not answering the phone. I have never called a girl more than a few times when she didn’t answer. If I don’t answer or call a girl back after she has called me several times, I don’t want to be chased. I want to be left alone! So if you don’t answer the phone or call me back I’m going to think the same thing, NOT that you just want me and several other dudes to chase after you boosting your self-esteem while lowering mine more and more. The ONLY dudes who will continue to chase a female are the ones who don’t have shyt to offer. Any guy thats successful in life will considerate it your loss and move on, especially if you seemed underaccomplished from the getgo. I have noticed this attitude of “chase me chase me” from black women but not with white women. This could be why so many black women have no man at all or don’t have a man that has a house, good credit, no criminal history, no kids, etc etc. Why would I chase an average looking female? I wouldn’t!
Always J-
1. This post was for women who call men too much at the dating stage of a relationship not for chicks who want to “play” the man so that she could raise her self esteem.
2. There are PLENTY of men that have A LOT to offer that chase a particular woman that he’s interested in. Thats been going on since the beginning of time.
3. Did you just really equate “so many black women” with not having a man because they want to be chased?
Women deserved to be pursued and whatever MAN feels otherwise, no matter what race he dates, is a #LoSER! #nUFFsaid
girl i am rolling on the floor laughing right now
i felt like i’ve been SLAPPED in the face repetitively…like Larry,Curly,and Moe slapped.
I absolutely LOVE this. Ring the alarm the relationship guru has spoken. Brilliant! Well put.
XoXo
This was a wonderful read. We are over here CRACKING UP. The points you make are so funny but so true. I swear I have caught myself as the PHONE STALKER KILLER Lady at times. LOLOLOLOLOL Chakara put me onto your site. I really like it. Keep up the AWESOME work!!
I love what you wrote because Im in a situation like that and I didnt know what to do..But now I do I willnt call his ass for a couple of days to see how he feel..I been callin his tail all day and know cal back not even a text and I been datin this man for almost 6 months ..But not my eyes are open and I know what Im going to do..Thanks Girl…
If a man you’ve been seeing for a couple of months ups and disappears you should delete him from your life period, not play stupid games to try and get him to want you. After a couple of months any man that’s serious would be trying to step the relationship up not disappear. Ladies it’s no about “getting a man” but finding the RIGHT man. Set boundaries and learn when to walk away from inconsistent assholes.
Did the same thing. I called and called. Went into psycho mode. Thought i owned him after i gave him some. Then i sent him a sexy email, low and behold he called. Then called and called some more. Psycho woman had disappeared and when he got interested again, i dumped him. Think he will call? Ya think? Sure he will…..
Great advice. Best advice i have ever read on calling a man.
That was Awesome!!! Will let you know how it goes for me!! You are hysterical!!!
I am going through this. I am trying to play it cool, not calling for a day and half, then not being able to take it anymore. This guy is a complete Jack@, but the worse he treats me, the more I seem to want to get in touch with him, because I swear up and down that if I can get him on one last date, wear my hair perfect, smell great and give it to him like he’s never had it, I can win his interest. It never works that way. Everything goes well when we are together, but then I go home and then he stops calling and texting all over again. I always wondered if I had enough willpower, would I be able to stop calling him and stop counting the hours, and if so, how hurt would I be if he doesn’t call back or decides that since I finally gave him his space, he can leave quietly and go conquer another pair of boobs. The curiousity always gets the best of me, and I end up calling because I am too scared to find out. I am going to try your advice, and if it works, I will deem you She-Genius of Blogland!
This is GOLD! I’m gonna try this it’ll be fun.
Very well said. Believe it or not it DOES work I promise you. I still have to use this tool with my baby daddy of a year. Whenever his pulls away, or acts to busy for me I stop calling. After 6 days he called me. I didnt pick up. Even though it killed me especially pregnant as I am, I involved myself in activities, and trust me it teaches you discipline and control. I’m as sweet as ever when i finally picked up And HE refocuses and wants to be mushy with me! It does suck, but men are made this way. It does hurt but you will get use to it, and learn to focus and on other things I learned men are made to much more important to us, we should make them less of a priority until we have that ring!!!
Thank you girl!…got this on my desk top for those weak moments when I’m tempted! xxx
Thank you! Got this on my desktop for those weak moments!
Always J has an ego problem and race has no meaning in this context of discussion. Men are men and women are women. Kiesh is very spot on. A real relationship is not a game, but a gift from God. Yes, we all play games but it never works out right in the end if we are always conniving. Kiesh is correct in saying a real man who is serious will step up the relationship and not disappear. Problem is, I met a man who stepped it up a little too fast and furious too soon, and he scared me off. The flip side of this coin is that at times a man will rush a woman out of insecurity in his own life, or things that are going wrong, or to escape a situation he hates iving in. He sees her as a way out of his present troubles and comes on too strong too quickly. The man I speak of starting talking marriage, soul mates, “I’m your man”, etc., way too soon. Who knows, he may have been Mr. Right but it has all turned out very wrong. At this point I do not call him. He refuses to let me know where he lives or works and claims to be living with his mother due to financial hardship (he’s 44). This is still going on after a year and a half and he calls, always comes back. We have never had ‘sex’ but have petted and I feel spiritually uncomfortable with it and told him it can’t happen again. He will call predictably every seven to ten days, even if I do not answer for weeks. I eventually answer because I feel badly about it all. Last night he started the conversation by pressuring me on the wrong subject right off the bat instead of chatting pleasantly for awhile (I finally answered after a month of not answering) and I let him have it, then hung up on him. I then let it all hang out by leaving him at least 10 voice mail messages, texts, etc., letting him know I was sick of the whole mess and if he can’t prove who he is by now, get lost forever. He swears he is not married. I have actually heard his mother screaming in the background during a call with him on a Friday night at 9:30 pm so maybe he is telling the truth. LOL there : )
I told him he can’t touch me again due to the fact that I am following the Lord and can’t continue sinning. I already know he is very odd and wonder where this all came from, but am still praying for God’s will and direction. I feel he will eventually call again despite the severe tongue lashing he received, but if there has been no real change in his heart, it will be the same crap all over again. I do not initiate calls to him, ever. Stopped that long ago. He was calling me off the wall for nine months but would not see me, He is the strangest most incomprehensible male I have ever met. I amneither unattractive nor desperate. At this point, the men out there are beginning to look more and more like liabilities than assets. Everyone does their own thing and morality and respect are gone. I hate that relationships are ‘games’ to be played but that is the reality of our troubled world. If this character calls again I will judge him by his follow up actions because he has been all mouth up to this point. He started out with a bang and when I told him to back up a little he went into Bizarro mode and can’t seem to spin out of it.
Who knows? Thanks for your time.
It’s true – if he calls and you ignore him, for sure he will call back.
Its okay to like/love someone initially – tell your friends but dont let him know.
You cant play a game without knowing the rules………………………………..
1. Dont crowed him
2. End the phone calls first.
3. pretend you are a busy person
4. be nice, respectful, charming but keep him guessing
I totally Loved IT!!! Thanks for being REAL with it.
GIRL!!! Thank The Lord for this article! (Runs around with her hands in the air) this is what every woman needs to hear….I could go on and on but ill just say THANK YOU! We gotta keep our head in the GAME! Too many women cryin bout gettin played like they have NO clue how they got played…and we bypass so many red flags and ultimately play ourselves!! (Been there) but this is real talk…it’s not even about playin games its about keepin your HEAD in the game and not in some fantasy world. Lastly, just do you! Be about your business! These are the women that men respect and pursue. It ain’t about how you look, what you say, or how much you care ladies! Set a standard and stick to it! Anyways. THANK YOU GIRL! I needed this right now!
Here’s one:
I’m new to area. Met someone online. We spent a week and a half on the phone, talking about non-sexual things…mostly politics, work-life, families, outdoors, what we want to do in the next few years career wise, how to adapt to new stuff.
Conversations were sometimes short, sometimes lengthy. First date was fun. We hung out after the date for a few hours just talking and looking at stuff in the neighborhood. We continued talking and texting each other. He helped me with my job search. He sent me baby pics and family pics. We kept talking and then I invited him over for a home-cooked meal. We hung out for a few hours more. He called once and told me that he has to reassess and simplify his life. We had agreed in the beginning that we wanted to learn more about each other, and would begin as friends. No prob. I texted him once since then (he reponded) and have not heard from him since.
Don’t invest too much time and effort into someone you have known for less than 3 months.
Now I have a question:
What happened to meeting someone in a “regular” setting? Grocery store? Houseparty? A friend’s cousin? Have we been reduced to only online interaction?
First, what happened to meeting a guy and he wants to go out within a few days, in the meanwhile you both yak on the phone? Then he calls b/c he wants to know how your day is going and call you call him later when you get home and get settled. You both mellow out on the phone and he mentions what a good time he had when you first went out together. He wants to know if you would like to go to brunch Sunday and then hang out, not with any particular place to go. You both call each other every day, and after a few weeks, he says that he doesn’t want to see other people (although he admits that he felt that way after the first week) and do you want to do that or what? (No intimacy has occured).
I met a guy online (MySpace) in a discussion about music. After a few days, he messages me his # and asked me to call. I did. He said he was very impressed by my taste in music and wanted to talk in person. We spoke on the phone for several hours each nite for about a week, then he invited me to dinner at his house (he was a disabled single dad with a young child) on Mother’s Day. (Met his fam !).We had a great time. Talked on the phone more and we became more comfortable and then began spending weekends together. After a while, he brought his daughter with him and the 3 of us hung out together.
Long story short, we had a great relationship that lasted over 2 1/2 years–the romantic part ended, but we are still very good friends to this day (both of us have moved on). So I guess online isn’t all bad. But now, online all I get is sex chat and frontal nudity. My posted pics show me covered up, you dont even know what i have on from the waist down. I have gotten enough nude pictures to start a porn magazine. And I haven’t even seen these guys in person. I guess they wanted to “put it out there”. Needless to say, I will not be renewing my online dating subscription (after just 6 weeks).
Yuck !
This works wonders & am so glad that I read it before getting back with my on-off again boyfriend of 8 years. He use to call me every day then stopped. We had an amazing time together the other night & he called me today. Talked for a short period & said he had to go because brother was calling. Called me right back & said he didn’t mean to. This was after he stated that he didn’t get the entire text I sent him earlier in the day that said I saw 2 deer & was thinking about him. Hope he having fun hunting. I believe this man is crazy about me. He sure in the hell sound crazy & act crazy when it comes to me. Before hanging up he said that he’d talk to me later in the week. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to answer IF he does.
I was married to my best friend & boss for 18 yrs We separatd for 2 Allwas Ok between us thoughI & amNOW widowed over 7 yrs Please help me with a different matter I trold my Husband while he wasstill alive that I fell in love with Character & Personna of My Next door Neghbor Billy & started becoming physical w my neighbor My husband advised me to watch out for Billy he has too many issues & will hurt me. ON & OFF I WOULD SEE BILLY B/CUZ NEIGHBORS SEE ea other It seemed like i would aways yearn to try & KP COMPANY W BILLY; ONLY FOR US TOENDUP STAYING UP IN MY HOME &Me TRYING TO BECOME INTIMATe IN MANY WAYS . Yes he & I would talk for hrs after physical contact.Yes he would kiss me back but wouldnt let me hug him. i did indeed know i wanted Billy I felt like i was chasing a rainbow. he has said he did notwant a relationship.He also asks me what i waznt in life but doesnt tell me what he desires He never introduced me to anyone in his life & Never took me out on weekends I didnot push You cannot make someone want you if they dont. I recently just txt him that it hurts to know its onesided but i will always love him& wish it were different. how do i get over this man? it seems like he’s only around when he needs physical attention.He calls me a friend but I don’t feel like one he never calls.it seems like he doesn let me into his life he only txts me. My tru friends are in constant contact & make sure i feel ok daily. i feel like I’ve wasted my time &energy with this man Like a fool. Do i ever contact him again?
Me and my bf been together 2yrs (on and off). I’ve NEVER chased him…..I can play the silent treatment like no other. He recently went MIA on my bday after he promised me a nice diner that night, I called when he never showed only cause I was worried, called the nxt day (a tues), txtd thurs (thanksgiving), called Friday and Sunday. It has been a week….he answered Sunday saying he was in jail since Monday. Lying ass thing is I pulled his public records and there’s nothing. I think because I’m pregnant I’m vulverable….but he got the wrong one. At first I believed him cause I wanted to but then I checked myself. A real man who is interested or love you will not disappear like that. They are thinking of us as much as we think of them. They will call eventually but don’t give in first. Don’t confuse love with some good d***. If ur a good woman he will come crawling back soon or later!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I couldn’t help but laugh when you said your friend went from classy to pyscho…this is how I’ve been over the past few weeks over a guy I’d been seeing for 5 months. Up until a few weeks ago, he called/text/made plans to see me like clockwork, then a few weeks ago it all changed. His responses to my texts were few and far in between, he may or may not call back, etc. So I found myself constantly ringing his phone, texting, leaving vm and I started to get upset w/myself athow I was acting over him. Yesterday, I decided I wasn’t going to call & before the work day was over he called explaining why he hadn’t called back the day before, I didn’t get upset, acted very nonchalant. He said he was going to call back & he didn’t. So guess what, I won’t be calling him back either. The reality is that we never had the talk about being exclusive and I did fall into the “assumption” trap. I care a great deal for him and we do have good chemistry but men and women are different, we embrace the closeness whereas they tend to pull back for many reasons. If he calls, I will answer in the meantime, I will be doing “me”!
I came across your web site looking for reasons why women call so much. Now I have to leave a commit because i was in a situation like this and i want you to know the outcome. I currently have a woman that calls me every two hours trying to figure out who I’m with and where I’m at. Yes I think she is psycho but deep down I know she really cares. Now I had another chick who did the exact opposite. She won’t call unless I called or text her first. This worked on me for a little while (about three months) then I had to let her go because she was just to boring. Now me and my psycho chick are engaged. She still calls but now its for totally different reasons. Here are some of the reason why I asked her to marry me. I know she will always have my back no matter what. She can cook. And believe it or not i kinda liked the fact that she was checking for me because she did it in a respectful manner. However ladies if you really want a man to chase you, all you have to do is be there for him. Meaning spend time with him, be his best friend, figure out what’s his favorite dish and prepare it for him. No matter how the dish turns out he will never forget you for that. This is why I’m engaged to my psycho chick now. She’s my best friend, she has my back, and she loves me with all her heart. Word of advice ladies this tactic may work in the beginning but its only a temporary fix, like you said men are hunters but if you put on to much camouflage how do you expect us to see you.
This is great advice. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard from a guy I saw a couple of times. It’s taken me an incredible amount of self-restraint not to write to him, and I’ve been wondering if it’s even worth the self-dignity I think I’m holding on to by not contacting him.
I found this article while I was searching Google for answers, and I think I’ve found it. He’s going to call back eventually. And when he does, maybe I’ll answer. Or maybe I’ll just keep doing my own thing
Happy New Year!
I have a question. I want to know if you all think this guy is still into me. I have been talking to a guy for a couple months now, I met onlone. We one day finally went out on a first date and it was awesome. He even told me how much he really like me and enjoyed himself. While on a phone call he would always tell me things like how important I am to him even important as his family (be both are 23). So I was thinking like whoa do he really like me that much? So then he would call himself my man. And so we went out again and everything was great he seem really happy. Once I got home I notice he text me how felt about our second date in person and he I replied to his text but he never reply back. And so even until this day he haven’t text back. Its been a week since I heard from him. No text, no phone call from his cell or house phone. When I called him on his cell no answer and when I call his house (because he always told me I can call him anytime on either phone) his grandmother would answer it and call out his name to come to the phone but he never comes. So I’m so confuse if he still into me or not. I don’t know what I should do.
ITS SOOO TRUE !!!!!!!! AM IN THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW !!! I BEEN DATING OR ITS KINDA JUST LIKE SEEING THIS GUY ABOUT 5 MONTHS NOW AND HE USE TO BE MY NEIGHBOR, NOW HIS SISTER IS MY NEIGHBOR BUT EVERYTIME HE COMES AND SPENDS NIGHTS AT HIS SISTER SO HE COULD BE BY MY HOUSE… SO THINGS ARE NOT GOING GOOD WITH ME AND HIM, HE HETS MAD AT ME WHEN I CALL HIM AND ASKS HIM WHERE HE’S AT OR WHAT IS HE DOING. HE TELLS ME THAT WERE NOT MARRIED SO I COULD BE TELLING ASKING HIM THOSE QUESTIONS. SO AFTER WE HAD THAT ARGUMENT THAT HE DOSNT LIKE THAT WE STOPED ANSWERING MY PHONE CALLS AND I HAVENT CALLED HIM BACK NOR I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM. BUT BEFORE THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING BAD, HE WOULD DESREPECT ME ALOT OR HE WOULD TELL ME TO LOOSE WEIGHT, AND HE WOULDNT TREAT ME WELL HE TOLD ME HE WAS GONNA CALL ME WHAT EVER NAME FOR HOW EVER I ACTED. HE ALWAYS PREFERS BEING WITH HIS FRIENDS THEN BEING WITH ME AND ALSO HE IS ALWAYS SMOKING WEEED , DAY & NIGHT.. SO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AM SO CONFUSED AND SOMETIMES I FEEL DEPRESSED. AM JUST LOOKING AT MY PHONE JUST TO SEE IF ITS HIM…WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Great advice, even for those of us who are married. Will be passing on this information to my daughter as she enters her teenage years.
Best advice ever…you ROCK!!
I was just like the lady she wrote about…I stopped calling and in days he called and texted…I was very brief with responses and the last text…He asked what I was doing and I said letting a movie put me to sleep…He responded I could have done that…I never responded back…I feel like I got the upper hand back a little…
I still refuse to call and won’t see him unless its under my circumstances…
I will get my power back…
Love this article..
That just stopped me from texting this guy. I’m feeling relaxed
Gonna read this every time I feel the urge to text/call/email him.
Thanks a lot,my situation is when he calls he talks a bit interesting thing but when i call he speak like he’s being forced,so boring going out of topic,i’ve decided i must maybe use this advice like for a week i hope it will work
Does it works with the texts also? Should I ignore the texts for a week?
Thanks for the post. I’m a fan of using my feminine wits in order to get proper results from men. You have to have patience, will power, and OPTIONS in order to win when it comes to dating men.
Never let em see you sweat…at least not in the beginning!
I have been dating a guy for almost 6 months and I want him to either step boss up or keep it moving.
I’m on day 2 of no contact. And it shall be an entire 30 days before I speak to him again.
Well said!!!!!! I’m in a 2 years relationshp n 2 be honest with u th guy is jst 2 on n of…….. Dnt knw wat 2 do bt hey, article well written, ama try dat
Well said Tiphani! I wish I had this article to read a few years ago because I became that psycho serial caller. When I think back on that “relationship” I absolutely cringe and feel embarrassed to even admit to it but hope it will help someone else not make the same terrible mistake. It doesn’t feel good to be like that and when you think back on it, you don’t even like yourself. It started by one day me calling my new man out of the blue. He was so happy to hear from me because up until that moment he had been doing all the calling. He said he wished I would call him more often. It was a wish I should never have granted or should have done so sparingly. Before you know it he was starting to say things like “I’m sorry babe, I was just on my way to a meeting…” It was at the point I got the feeling he was avoiding me that I should have quit cold turkey but nope I plunged down the psycho path. Losing control, self respect and my man. And instead of letting it go I confronted him, it turned ugly and I woke to an email from him the next morning with the line in huge caps telling me he NEVER, EVER, EVER wanted me to contact him again. I think there were a few more EVERs in there but you get the idea. To this day when I think about that episode I want to hide in shame but I learned a valuable lesson about myself, dating, and men in general. Definitely keep your calls scarce especially if he’s not contacting you. There is a funny twist in this whole debacle. After that email I of course stopped all contact. Fast forward about 5yrs and checking email to my surprise there was an email from him?!?! At first I figure it had a be some spam, maybe his computer was hacked but no it was an email from him wondering how I was. The guy that NEVER, EVER wanted me to contact him again and he apologized to me. So yes, Tiphani has it right, men will contact you when they truly want to talk to you even if they tell you they never want to speak to you again. Unfortunately it might be years later and you’ll be married to someone else as I am but then that is their loss. So do yourself a favor and throw out that phone number, don’t consider yourself exclusive unless both have agreed to it and if he stops contacting you move on. Don’t be that psycho chick that will live on in yours and his memory it’s not pretty.
This could potentially backfire… Ok lets say your really into this guy, and you can tell he likes you a lot. You’ve been seeing him on a daily basis. Then your girlfriend tells you to back off and stop calling him. This guy is really handsome and sure to have other woman interested.
You stop calling and minimize your responses to texts to one-liners. If you do this he will immediately notice and wonder what happened. If you keep doing this, he will eventually think that “you’re just not that into him” and move on.. This has happened to me many times, I never know exactly whether shes just not interested or just playing games. Us guys never want to come off as “that guy that just doesn’t get that shes not interested” so we cut our losses and move on. Meanwhile she thinks shes still wooing him. Even though both of them could have been perfect for each other.
The bottom line.. Girls and Women, If you meet a guy you are possibly in love with; DON’T PLAY GAMES with him, just be upfront, if he is right for you then he’ll respect you more for telling him instead of playing these miscommunication games.
Great advice. I met a guy about 5 weeks ago. During the first three weeks, he called or texted me every day. We’ve gone out on two dates. Our second date was last Sunday. On Monday, I texted him and said I had a wonderful time. An hour and a half later, he replied but never mentioned whether he had a good/bad time. He texted me the next day and I waited nearly 4 hours before I replied. He got back to me in 1 minute. Haven’t heard from him since and have been tempted to call. But after I Googled “calling vs. not calling in a relationship,” and read your post I got the answer I needed, DON’T CALL. Thanks to you Tiphani, I will continue to play hard to get. I am feeling so EMPOWERED!
Great advice Tiphani !!!…. I also like the advice Marcus gives. Balance!! If you ignore too much it may work against you.
what about if i called him only two times in 3 months we are talking, left a vm and he would get back to me. We have texted but usually i have been the one starting… we met 8 years ago and re met two weeks ago, i believe is destiny. He was sweet and all, i got a feeling maybe a little playful like a little of a game player. It was the first time we met, and we drunk and he stayed but we didnt have sex… next day it was kind of weird, i closed myself because i felt him cold. So i felt bad after and texted hey good luck in your interviews..we texted during the week, he asked me what i was doing on the weekend but didnt propose anything. i stopped texting him, almost 2 weeks ago an no signs of him….
The advice applies only if i call him and he don’t answer? i was planning to call him and leave a quick vm: hey how are you? just called to say a quick hi..bye! … what do you think???
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Thanks for the wonderfull ideas, i have been through this calling thing with men so many times that i cannot even count. I have also chase them around for a long time. thanks to this article i will stop calling and see if it works out for me. My problem is i turn to fall in love too fast without asking myself if the other person feels thesame way. Then i get hurt when they stop calling or texting. Thanks to this article i will take my stand. it might be hard for me to do but i will try.
Glad I’m not the only crazy woman out there… At 51 I found myself in the dating game again. I’ve been seeing this guy for about a year and in the past 6 weeks the only thing I’ve gotten is one word texts after I text him. After texting him every day for a week with no answer, I finally said I wouldn’t be bothering him anymore, that I want him in my life, but I need to know what he wants. That was a week ago, haven’t heard from him. It’s killing me not to contact him, but I’m trying to have some self respect :/ I feel like I’m losing my mind…. I just want to know what happened… Good luck girls
It’s been 4 days, complete radio silence from the dating-7-months-guy. 2 days into it, I deleted his # and his pictures are down! That quick. Don’t think it didn’t hurt like hell to do.
Who knows when that damn phone will ring, so why not just start getting over it! I’ve never done this before and oh my goodness it is liberating!
So, when he misses what he had and does call back? Oh yeah, he will…
I’m going to be a single girl with a lot going on in her life, like, oh hey, how ya been? Like it didn’t bother me and I didn’t wallow in sorrow (even though I did.) Girls, if any other person besides you controls your happiness, take a close look! No dude, no matter how close you guys are, should make or break you.
And another thing, he doesn’t know what he wants. Otherwise he’d have broken it off! There’s always a reappearing possibility with the dissappearing act, right? If I play my damn cards right, as in, don’t show my hand again, then guess who wins, finally.
Either way – if he calls or doesn’t, I’m just damn glad I came to this conclusion after day 2, not crying myself asleep for weeks night after night.
It got hella easier when I did this.
Glad I saw this article, I read this after I erased him from my life, my friend & mom were like ‘that’s too soon to delete his #’.
I feel awesome right now. (Besides, of course, my broken heart, lol.)
i told my boyfriend to take a week space from me to sort out his feelings. i was hopeful that things would work out as he was always telling me that he loved me and had strong feelings for me. but all of a sudden he said that he wanted to be single and had doubts about our future together. i did cry but i did not beg him to stay. i said sorry for any hurt i had caused him and thanked him for showing me love. very hard but i did it with as much dignity as i could. but i never understand why he don’t want to stay with me. but before he left he told me i am irresistible, lovely warm person etc but he just want to walk away from my life. the pain was awful. our getting together was fateful and we found out our birthday both 1st June. he is 43 and i am 44. it was weird. i thought we were made for each other. he deleted my numbers but i never let go of him. i wanted him back but he has made up his mind so i had no choice but to look for a way to get him back so what i did was to look for a spell caster to help me get back my lover fast as possible, when i came across greatzuba@gmail.com, so he did a love spell for me and the spell came out perfect, my lover reconciled with me and we came back together and since then we have been in peace and the lover is flowing perfectly
Well, I started seeing this guy after running into him after living in the same town. Hotbox us were married but separated. We were both going through our divorces. Mine
was dissolved in.6 months, his to this day is.not dissolved. Anyway, we dated for 8 months and then I.moved in with him. After a.few.short months he.told.his.ex he was seeing someone.and he was very happy, so was she he said as.well, but then I.met the kids we absolutely fell in.love with each.other. The kids and I. Well, they got to where they didn’t want to.go.home. They always wanted.to.stay longer. His ex became very angry, jealous and upset. So, she began her plan of distruction of my relationship with her kids. Then I.lost my job and car. Putting more of. Strain on.our relationship. I.got.depressed. Kept trying to.find any job.I.could. Nothing. Meanwhile trying everything I.could to.keep myself.up.and.my relationship with my boyfriend up. He decides to tell me he wants threes to be part of our relationship. NO WAY! I said. He didn’t like that Answer so he said.well.if.you don’t like it you can leave. I had no place to go. He pushed and pushed. Things went on and arguments began, about the ex, kids and his wanting extra curricular activities as he would call it and me saying no way. Oh also, he was always very secretive with his phone never hearing his ring tone. The icing on the cake was when I.was living with him his.brother opened a can of worms by telling of big high school reunion he was planning asking if I.knew about it. I said no really can.I.help plan.it? He said no.it.was OK that he had all the help he needed. I said OK and asked when it was where. He said don’t worry about it because I wasn’t invited. I said WHAT! I moved out that weekend and left. He said he was sorry and began calling and texting me. I.was frying to move on. So, I starting to date other people as well. One night we were out he got mad at me and through my phone against the wall it shattered. So, he lent me Mother phone than replaced it I gave him the.phone he.lent me back and he found out.I.was talking to other guys. Well he called me a slut and a.whore.and said you were talking.to.other guys while talking to.me. We were broke.up so what did I.do.wrong.? I began continually talking seeing and spending time with him, but always.in the end treated badly or miserable. I hadn’t heard from him so I called no answer. I texted him no answer so I thought the worst. He finally texted me saying he had the week from hell because of his brother Nd he didn’t want anymore crap from anyone so he is not vesting around or talking to.anyone. I am assuming he means me as well. I have a few things still.over at his house and I need to.give this.phone back. I am taking what he said that he does not want to talk to me either. What to.do? I want a clean break. I should move on.
Ok, so he hasn’t called in 4 days and neither have I. Of course I am really pissed, but I played it cool and didnt call or text him either only after realizing this is the second time he has done this. First, he would ignore one text and answer others and then he went to the disappearing act ( I did text a couple of times the first 24 hours, but I stopped after he never responded and he called two days later), then this final stunt with the 4 day thing. I didn’t find this article until after I texted back and said “hey”. He then proceeds to say “stranger”. I didnt respond. Then after a couple of hours he says “what are you doing?” and then gives it 10 minutes and then calls me. I was at a basketball game, but I answered the phone and played like nothing happened. Out of the 2 months we have been dating, basketball games have been our thing to go to. I made sure he knew, but in a kind way, that I was at a basketball game and I would call him back. I never called back. Should I keep being non-chalant and not keep up the communication or should I shoot a text today and say “hey”?
New Way of Thinking –
I’m late but I hope you didn’t call or even text. We are all in the same struggle. He might give into your ‘stalking’ initially. You might date and even have a so called ‘real relationship’ – but you won’t know how he really feels about you. The key is (I believe) is that if a man is interested and feels you are getting away from him, he will ‘step it up’. Not only will you get the text message and calls, you will get the dates, the wooing, etc., i.e., a real try at a REAL relationship. And even when that onslaught commences, you might be surprised to find out how disinterested you have become. You will NEVER know if you don’t give it distance.
Thanks for the article. I came across it as I was looking for answers.
I met this guy online a month ago and we had our 3rd date last week. He called and checked in on a regular basis, and always made a point to schedule a new date at the conclusion of a date. At the end of the third date (tuesday), I invited him to go out the following Sunday (today). He said yes. So on Friday I called him to follow up and I was sent to voicemail, where I left a message. He has not responded. I really didn’t expect this from him because he has always been very quick to return a text or phone call (even when he was in meetings/at work). However, I feel like something happened during the 3rd date to turn him off, and I am compelled to try to make things right…. Its been 2 days since my unreturned phone call and I’m trying to stay strong.
Hey Tiphani I became the serial texter grrr I’m ashamed to even say it. After he ignored me I texted even more..I really like this guy but I think I became to clingy so he lost interest I’ve decided to stop texting him even though he told me he still liked me but the next day he just ignored me again I’ve completely stop texting him how ever I’m wondering if he’ll ever call me again? I can’t get him out of my mind and its really hard not to text him but I know texting him will only push him even more away
It was PAINFUL not to try texting him again. His last text was a one word answer to mine, and that’s it! I waited and waited…. 8 days… and HE TEXTED ME a flirty hello and we had a great text convo! So I am a true believer. I am not going to be annoying and texting hi every day. How boring. Even though I think about him all the time, he needs to think about me and wonder what I am up to. If I am not in contact this gives him a chance to wonder and reach out to me. That’s what we want, isn’t it? For the guy to want us, and to start a conversation because they want to, not because of politeness with a girl who texted yet again.