He left you.

This time for good.

And now you’re left with your heart torn to shreds, trying to force yourself to let go of all the hurt, even if you never hear the words, “I’m sorry.”

Two words you deserve.

Two words you have to be okay with never hearing.

You’re mind is at war because you have to find peace in this chaos that you’ve created for yourself.

So now you’re left, trying to mend a wound that’s never been healed. A wound that’s just been bandaged up. Hidden. So that you can get back in the dating game.

Without your broken heart being revealed.

You know you need time to grieve, but you keep trying to figure out when it all will end. When will the steady stream of tears stop falling down your face? You wonder when the thoughts of violence will stop creeping in your mind, because as of right now, hurting him seems like the only way to make you feel good. The only answer.

And so you pray.

Obviously not hard enough.

Still too angry, too bitter, too hurt to let it all go. You beg God to take your heavy burden away, so you can move on, as fast as he managed to do and find you someone new so that you don’t feel left behind from all the men who found someone else and gave her a chance.

You have to stop holding on to a burden that’s too heavy to bear. A burden that’s eating away at your soul.

Rotting it away.

One memory at a time.

Never realizing that you and him never really had a chance. That the memories were just an illusion of what you wished you were.

An illusion.

That brought you to the brink of insanity because you created a world of “forever” that never existed.

You lost a man that you never had.

There were never any good times, just lies that you wished were true because you couldn’t stand the thought of never meaning anything more to him than you did.

A piece of pussy.

Was all you were.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

And the reality of that kills a piece of your soul that you may never get back. You told him that you loved him, but what you loved was the image of what you wished love was.

But what you had was never love.

Never a friendship.

Just years of a rotted tree that you refused to cut down just in case it grew a piece of fruit.

And now you want to pretend as though he never existed. Like a total stranger. Because that’s what you’ve become.

Because that’s what you’ve always been.

Forgiveness.

Is not for the faint at heart, but for the strong who are at their weakest.

A test.

Of your faith, that if right now were to be compared to a mustard seed, would fail.

I know it’s easier said than done, but in order to keep your sanity…

Forgive.

Get over it.

And move on.

Your welcome,

Tiph

Maybe if you knew what love was, you would recognize that the relationship you are in isn’t. He doesn’t value you and you know that yet you stick around hoping that one day he will.

Years fly by yet the two of you have yet to grow.

As lovers.

As friends.

Years fly by and you seem to still be where you first started. Back to the beginning when your thoughts were filled with mere wishful thinking with no life time commitment.

No promises of forever.

Never an “I love you.”

Just the hurtful conclusion that you’re pointless in his life.

You often let him touch you.

The way a woman lets a john touch her.

With cold hands.

And no heart.

Just lust and a burning desire to cum.

And you let him.

You close your eyes and pretend that his touch is warm. That he’s in love with you, but when you open your eyes you are back to reality.

That the man that was on top of you:

Never.

Even.

Knew.

You.

Existed.

Move On. Quickly.

Tiph

MY EX

It was time to move on. After years of negotiating and compromising, I finally left. Gave no explanation. No goodbye. Just left. Changed my phone number and moved on. I realized I didn’t need the closure that I thought was necessary for my healing and it was the best decision I ever made.

CHEATERS

I think that all men cheat.

Ok, maybe not ALL men, but I’m a firm believer that if your man isn’t faithful to God, HE WILL NOT BE FAITHFUL TO YOU.

You can’t expect a man who has yet to ask you to be his wife (and actually go through with it) to be faithful. He’s still single and the fact that your last names are NOT the same proves it. If he cheated once, he’ll do it again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Commitment and faithfulness are rare in this day and age, but is compromising just to have a man worth your sanity?

THE OTHER WOMAN

Seriously, are we still on this?

Ok, let me be the first to admit that when I was younger, EVERYTHING was the other woman’s fault, but with age comes wisdom (well, at least in my case it did) and I learned that you only attack her because of you’re own insecurities and fears.

 To all of you who have a “boyfriend” let me help you out:

SHE IS NOT THE PROBLEM!!

He’s the one who betrayed your trust.

He owes you the explanation.

THE OTHER WOMAN’S EXSISTENCE IS HIS FAULT.

HEALING A BROKEN HEART

Cry.

Until it’s over.

Until your eyes can produce no more tears.

Give yourself time to grieve the loss, but then move on. Quickly. And love again. Like it’s the first time.

DATING

Be a lady.

NEVER pay.

Lose your independence for just a second and enjoy being wined and dined.

 Side Note: DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Because it probably won’t last long. And when that happens, you’ll be able to move on to the next one with ease. Because you won’t be left with the sad fact that you tried to keep him with your pussy.

GOLD DIGGING

Thankfully for me, I attract $$$ #justSAYING

LOVE

If only for a moment, enjoy it.

Every last second.

I LOVE feeling like this. It’s just the best feeling in the world!

MARRIAGE

Don’t play wife without the ring. #thatsALL

FRIENDSHIP

Some aren’t worth keeping, but if you have the BFFs that I have, you’d do EVERYTHING in your power to keep them in your life. Mine keep me sane and grounded. They are honest when I rather them not be and they love me #flawsANDall

SINGLE PARENTING

Sweet Baby Jesus, take the wheel! #nuffSAID

CHILD SUPPORT

$50 a week?

Fifty.

Dollars.

A week?

SWEET BABY JESUS, TAKE THE CAR!!!

FORGIVENESS

Holding on to hurt, whether past or present causes sickness (cancer, heart disease, etc.) Set your will to forgive people before they even do anything wrong because what they did (or WILL do) to hurt you isn’t worth your health.

Let it go.

All of it.

Now.

CAREER

I’m writing as many books as my fingers can type, producing my first documentary, and a few other projects that I’m keeping TOP SECRET for now. I’m building an empire (and its gonna WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT)!!!

PROCRASTINATION

I was supposed to start this blog last year.

Schedule this post for this morning.

Start on my new book….*hangs head low*

BIBLE

It’s not an anthology that a group of old men got together to write one day. Its 66 books of seed that is to be planted in your life, watered, and nurtured.

For example:

If you’re having lack in your life, find the scripture that pertains to prosperity and confess them out loud over your life.

***Genesis 39:1-6, 21 Like Joseph, I prosper wherever I go and in every situation I’m in because the Lord is always with me. I too experience preferential treatment.

***Luke 1:28 I am blessed and highly favored.

***Deu.7:15; Psalm 5: 12 Because the favor of God shields me, no sickness or disease has a right to live in my body.

***Deut. 8:18, Psalm 112:3 Wealth and riches are in my house because I am empowered with His anointing and favor to draw wealth.

GOD

Most days I don’t deserve His grace and mercy. Just glad that He doesn’t feel the same.

GIVING

It’s an art that I have yet to master. But this year I have made it a priority to be a giver. I’m thinkin it’ll up my Jesus points and I need as many of those as I can get!

Believe + Conquer,

Tiph

If you think your boyfriend is cheating on you, he probably is.

I have no advice on how to make him stop.

Cause he won’t.

And deep down inside, you already know this.

Your cries for him to be faithful will fall on deaf ears and your complaints and constant demands for him to stop will be ignored. At this very moment, you have two very simple choices:

To leave.

Or to stay.

Both are just as simple as they sound and not as complicated as most make them out to be.

Leave.

Or Stay.

The choice is yours and you will most likely make the wrong one (it just is what it is.) #kanyeshrugs…but this post isn’t about the WRONG decision you’re going to make in regards to leaving or staying with the said “cheater.” This post is what NOT to do when you find the number of the woman he left you for.

#1

DON’T CALL HER

Side Note: I hope that you didn’t go through his phone to find the number in the first place. The very moment that you felt the “urge” to do that, your “relationship” was over.

Another Side Note: Boyfriend + No Peace of Mind = TORTURE

But what I know for sure is that you are not suppose to be calling the “other woman” DEMANDING that she stop ALL communication with “your” boo and all because YOU said so! #blankstare

Because YOU saying so doesn’t scare her and because she most likely NEVER knew YOU even existed.

And because “your boo” is the one that YOU have beef with, not her.

And because…well…that just makes YOU a LAME (and I call you a LAME with the best of intentions because, well, I’m just trying to help).

#2

IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FOLLOW STEP #1…AT LEAST DON’T CALL HER PRIVATE AND “GO OFF!”

Side Note: Ok, so believe it or not, I’m not allll the way against calling the alleged “other woman” to find out what’s going on.

Thinking a little harder: Ok…maybe I am.

But if you are going to disobey my orders and call her (or him…never know nowadays *side eye*) anyway, don’t hide yourself behind the safety of a private call and threaten her via cell phone.

She’s not your enemy.

And you playing on her phone is kinda wack (like, go play in the highway with a blind fold on, wack).

Side Note: What’s worse than a cheating boyfriend is a stalker girlfriend who has become obsessed with his new love interest so much that she won’t leave her alone.

Another Side Note: Some girlfriends become seriously obsessed…like, single white female obsessed, with “the other woman.” DON’T. LET. THAT. BE. YOU. (Because you’re too pretty for that *closes eyes to wish for the best*)

#3

AFTER YOU’VE MADE A SERIES OF SAD ATTEMPTS TO SCARE HER INTO LEAVING “YOUR BOYFRIEND” ALONE, ONLY TO REALIZE THAT IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK, DON’T CALL HER PHONE 50 TIMES IN A ROW AND JUST NOT SAY ANYTHING!

Side Note: If I wasn’t working on becoming a better Christian, I would insert a bad word rigggghhhhhtttt (here) and (here) for this type of young lady. But the Jesus in me won’t. let. me. do. it. *sighs*…thank God for change!

 Do you just want to hear her voice on the other end of the phone to try and figure out what he sees in her? Or does misery love company and you want her to be as aggravated as you are with your current circumstances? Either way, your sanity is s…..l…..o……w……l………….y  melting away and you are (indeed) playing yourself. Sometimes what seems like the right thing to do, isn’t.

Don’t call that woman’s phone anymore.

She doesn’t owe you an explanation.

She never has.

He owes it to you.

And if you still have no peace after he lays it on thick…move on.

Because clearly, he already has.

Until Jesus comes (and from what I hear, He will be here shortly),

Tiph

I. Just. Couldn’t. Help. Myself.

Just the other day my girlfriend called me very distraught about a situation that had happened between her and a man that she had been dating. He pursued her very aggressively and they have been seeing each other for about two months, talking on the phone or going out on a daily basis.

My friend was very comfortable with where this “relationship” was going.

Side Note:  I use my “quotation fingers” for the word “relationship” because “he” had kind of never agreed to be in a “relationship.” She just kind of figured for the amount of time they spent on the phone and going out that it was going into a “relationship.” And this is where the problem started. This was the foundation of the “relationships” demise.

Another Side Note: Ladies (and hear read me VERY carefully), if a guy HAS NOT agreed to be in a “relationship” with YOU specifically… (Insert drum roll here)….. YOU’RE NOT in a “relationship” with him. So don’t assume just because you guys have been LIVING THE VIDA LOCA and cozying up for a few months that he’s exclusively seeing just you. This is a talk that requires both of your responses…not just YOUR vivid imagination. Just FYI.

Soooo, he tells her that he’s going to call her back in 20 minutes one day and she didn’t hear from him for four days.

She went insane.

I mean like “Swim Fan” insane.

She went from a very classy woman to a psycho, killer, crazy, serial phone caller lady.

She called him several times on the first day and when day two rolled around she called even more, but this time implementing the texting ammunition. On the third day it got worse when she went all “mass murderer” on him and on day number four; he answered his phone and acted like nothing had ever happened.

Never mentioning why he didn’t answer or return her calls and he never questioned if there was an emergency.

Side Note: Because surely it should have been an emergency if you call someone over 20 times (and I’m sure it was more), right?

Another Side Note: And then I got confused that women still did this in 2010 *Kanye Shrugs*

Her first mistake was being a psycho, killer, crazy, serial phone caller lady. Not only did she portray herself as unstable, she also didn’t get the answers or response she wanted from this fella.

Now, I know for a FACT that my girlfriend isn’t the only chick out here calling a guy way too many times in the dating phase of a “situation” so let me give you the pointers I gave her:

When a guy STOPS answering your phone call, he just simply doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. His phone wasn’t broke and he wasn’t in the emergency room, he just DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

As rude and inconsiderate as it seems…as disrespectful as we THINK it is, it’s okay for him to do that because you aren’t in a “relationship” with him.

Side Note: Stop living in a fantasy world of imaginary boyfriends. (I.e. Just cause you live with a man doesn’t make him your “husband.”) Nuff said!

Now if you were this guy’s girlfriend, I’m sure he would have NEVER done this to you in the first place, but he did because you’re not.

Side Note: The phone could either be a weapon of mass destruction or a magic wand in your journey to winning the guy you’re interested in over. THE FASTER YOU LEARN THIS, THE SOONER YOU’LL BE TO LIVING A SANE AND PEACEFUL LIFE.

Men and women view the phone very differently.

Men use the phone more for business purposes (especially if he’s getting money like he’s suppose to be) *Pauses*(just for a second so that you can reexamine your “situation” if he’s not. Again, this is 2010…step your game up!). And women use the phone as a social tool because we fall in love through our ears.

So if you’re a chick that has been dating a man for a few months and think that you’re in a relationship with him but you’re not quite sure …

Side Note: This doesn’t count for the women who are dating men that have BLATANLY told you that he wasn’t interested in having a girlfriend “right now” aka “never with YOU.” That just makes YOU stupid.

…and he’s kind of cUT yOU oFF, you can redeem yourself from calling him too much and lOOking desperate.

Step One:  

Don’t call him anymore. PERIOD. Stop dialing his phone number. If you don’t remember his number by heart already (as you shouldn’t because that would definitely make you crazy), erase it out of your phone.

The person that calls the most has the most feelings and since this is the beginning of a relationship something, you want the guy to pursue you.

He’s the hunter.

You want to be chased.

Your role, at this stage, is to sit back and be a prize.

Let HIM pursue YOU.

DON’T CALL HIM ANYMORE. PLEASE.

If he wants to talk to you, he’ll call you. PERIOD.

Now I know that this is hard to deal with for women who are use to letting your phone possess you, but if it hasn’t been working for you thus far, why keep doing it? Seriously, just try it out for two weeks. I promise you…this works. All the men in the world are the same and have been since the beginning of time. They like to chase. End of story.

Step Two:

Believe it or not, he’s going to call you back. It might be days, weeks, or months until you hear from him again, but he’s going to call back (so let go of thinking that all is lost).

Men, for the most part, are very predictable. He’s going to wonder why you stopped calling him because in all actuality, he liked the attention.

DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE.

I REPEAT, DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE!

Let him call for no less than a week before you answer the phone (ONLY if you even want to talk to him again, which I wouldn’t :/).

As hard as that may seem (because you’re just itching for answers) you’re going to have to keep yourself busy AT ALL TIMES. Get out the house, take a class, DO ANYTHING that’ll keep you from touching that phone because you have to let him know that you’re just as busy as he is.

Step Three: 

When you do ANSWER (Note: I didn’t say “Call Him Back”) the phone (after the week is out), don’t have an ATTITUDE, don’t COMPLAIN or NAG him, and don’t QUESTION him about why he didn’t return any of your calls. Answer the phone with a smile on your face and act as if nothing had ever happened.

Believe me…this works.

Men are use to us women getting upset over the most basic things so don’t be that typical chick who always wants to “talk” about her feelings.

Side Note: A woman that’s upset is a woman who is easy to read. And you don’t want to be easily read, especially in the beginning, because that makes you familiar and when you’re familiar you become boring and being a bore + a psycho serial caller = You Playing Yourself. Hard.

Don’t ask him how he’s been and don’t talk about what you’ve been doing over the last few weeks. Act like you just got off the phone with him a few hours ago and you’ve been having the time of your life. Keep the conversation to a 10 minute maximum.

When time to hang up, tell him you have to do something insanely stupid like going to a knitting expo (he has to know where he is at this point at the priority level of your life). He’s not going to believe that you would rather do something stupid like a knitting expo than to hang out with him and that’s going to pique his interest in you again. Just a few weeks prior you were a dumb broad with no self control and now you’ve become unattainable.

You: But Tiphani why do I have to play games with these guys. Why can’t I just let them know how I really feel?

Me: *bangs head on concrete wall* Haven’t you read anything I wrote? Men hunt. The species that they hunt are called game. The basic truth is either you play the game or you’ll lose every single time. It just is what it is.

It’s hard to remain emotionless in the beginning and not complain when something like this happens, but your complaining is not going to change him from being disrespectful.

The only person you can change is yourself.

So before you stop (or start) eating, gaining and losing weight and going through the changes of life or a man, JUST LET IT ALL GO. Change how you react to the situation and things will end up much better.

You can’t control his actions, you can only control yours and at the end of the day, your peace of mind is the only thing that’s important.

I truly hope this helps someone, because it works GREAT for me.

Just remember, men only do what you let them do.

Raise your standards and DON’T CALL HIM NO MO!

Tiphani Montgomery

“Cute’s good.

But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person?

That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bank book or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you?

When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.

And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. Get out of it and find that person that brings you complete and utter joy with who you are at the moment.”