NOTE: I apologize for the excessive “side notes” in this post.
I. Just. Couldn’t. Help. Myself.
Just the other day my girlfriend called me very distraught about a situation that had happened between her and a man that she had been dating. He pursued her very aggressively and they have been seeing each other for about two months, talking on the phone or going out on a daily basis.
My friend was very comfortable with where this “relationship” was going.
Side Note: I use my “quotation fingers” for the word “relationship” because “he” had kind of never agreed to be in a “relationship.” She just kind of figured for the amount of time they spent on the phone and going out that it was going into a “relationship.” And this is where the problem started. This was the foundation of the “relationships” demise.
Another Side Note: Ladies (and hear read me VERY carefully), if a guy HAS NOT agreed to be in a “relationship” with YOU specifically… (Insert drum roll here)….. YOU’RE NOT in a “relationship” with him. So don’t assume just because you guys have been LIVING THE VIDA LOCA and cozying up for a few months that he’s exclusively seeing just you. This is a talk that requires both of your responses…not just YOUR vivid imagination. Just FYI.
Soooo, he tells her that he’s going to call her back in 20 minutes one day and she didn’t hear from him for four days.
She went insane.
I mean like “Swim Fan” insane.
She went from a very classy woman to a psycho, killer, crazy, serial phone caller lady.
She called him several times on the first day and when day two rolled around she called even more, but this time implementing the texting ammunition. On the third day it got worse when she went all “mass murderer” on him and on day number four; he answered his phone and acted like nothing had ever happened.
Never mentioning why he didn’t answer or return her calls and he never questioned if there was an emergency.
Side Note: Because surely it should have been an emergency if you call someone over 20 times (and I’m sure it was more), right?
Another Side Note: And then I got confused that women still did this in 2010 *Kanye Shrugs*
Her first mistake was being a psycho, killer, crazy, serial phone caller lady. Not only did she portray herself as unstable, she also didn’t get the answers or response she wanted from this fella.
Now, I know for a FACT that my girlfriend isn’t the only chick out here calling a guy way too many times in the dating phase of a “situation” so let me give you the pointers I gave her:
When a guy STOPS answering your phone call, he just simply doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. His phone wasn’t broke and he wasn’t in the emergency room, he just DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
As rude and inconsiderate as it seems…as disrespectful as we THINK it is, it’s okay for him to do that because you aren’t in a “relationship” with him.
Side Note: Stop living in a fantasy world of imaginary boyfriends. (I.e. Just cause you live with a man doesn’t make him your “husband.”) Nuff said!
Now if you were this guy’s girlfriend, I’m sure he would have NEVER done this to you in the first place, but he did because you’re not.
Side Note: The phone could either be a weapon of mass destruction or a magic wand in your journey to winning the guy you’re interested in over. THE FASTER YOU LEARN THIS, THE SOONER YOU’LL BE TO LIVING A SANE AND PEACEFUL LIFE.
Men and women view the phone very differently.
Men use the phone more for business purposes (especially if he’s getting money like he’s suppose to be) *Pauses*(just for a second so that you can reexamine your “situation” if he’s not. Again, this is 2010…step your game up!). And women use the phone as a social tool because we fall in love through our ears.
So if you’re a chick that has been dating a man for a few months and think that you’re in a relationship with him but you’re not quite sure …
Side Note: This doesn’t count for the women who are dating men that have BLATANLY told you that he wasn’t interested in having a girlfriend “right now” aka “never with YOU.” That just makes YOU stupid.
…and he’s kind of cUT yOU oFF, you can redeem yourself from calling him too much and lOOking desperate.
Step One:
Don’t call him anymore. PERIOD. Stop dialing his phone number. If you don’t remember his number by heart already (as you shouldn’t because that would definitely make you crazy), erase it out of your phone.
The person that calls the most has the most feelings and since this is the beginning of a relationship something, you want the guy to pursue you.
He’s the hunter.
You want to be chased.
Your role, at this stage, is to sit back and be a prize.
Let HIM pursue YOU.
DON’T CALL HIM ANYMORE. PLEASE.
If he wants to talk to you, he’ll call you. PERIOD.
Now I know that this is hard to deal with for women who are use to letting your phone possess you, but if it hasn’t been working for you thus far, why keep doing it? Seriously, just try it out for two weeks. I promise you…this works. All the men in the world are the same and have been since the beginning of time. They like to chase. End of story.
Step Two:
Believe it or not, he’s going to call you back. It might be days, weeks, or months until you hear from him again, but he’s going to call back (so let go of thinking that all is lost).
Men, for the most part, are very predictable. He’s going to wonder why you stopped calling him because in all actuality, he liked the attention.
DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE.
I REPEAT, DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE!
Let him call for no less than a week before you answer the phone (ONLY if you even want to talk to him again, which I wouldn’t :/).
As hard as that may seem (because you’re just itching for answers) you’re going to have to keep yourself busy AT ALL TIMES. Get out the house, take a class, DO ANYTHING that’ll keep you from touching that phone because you have to let him know that you’re just as busy as he is.
Step Three:
When you do ANSWER (Note: I didn’t say “Call Him Back”) the phone (after the week is out), don’t have an ATTITUDE, don’t COMPLAIN or NAG him, and don’t QUESTION him about why he didn’t return any of your calls. Answer the phone with a smile on your face and act as if nothing had ever happened.
Believe me…this works.
Men are use to us women getting upset over the most basic things so don’t be that typical chick who always wants to “talk” about her feelings.
Side Note: A woman that’s upset is a woman who is easy to read. And you don’t want to be easily read, especially in the beginning, because that makes you familiar and when you’re familiar you become boring and being a bore + a psycho serial caller = You Playing Yourself. Hard.
Don’t ask him how he’s been and don’t talk about what you’ve been doing over the last few weeks. Act like you just got off the phone with him a few hours ago and you’ve been having the time of your life. Keep the conversation to a 10 minute maximum.
When time to hang up, tell him you have to do something insanely stupid like going to a knitting expo (he has to know where he is at this point at the priority level of your life). He’s not going to believe that you would rather do something stupid like a knitting expo than to hang out with him and that’s going to pique his interest in you again. Just a few weeks prior you were a dumb broad with no self control and now you’ve become unattainable.
You: But Tiphani why do I have to play games with these guys. Why can’t I just let them know how I really feel?
Me: *bangs head on concrete wall* Haven’t you read anything I wrote? Men hunt. The species that they hunt are called game. The basic truth is either you play the game or you’ll lose every single time. It just is what it is.
It’s hard to remain emotionless in the beginning and not complain when something like this happens, but your complaining is not going to change him from being disrespectful.
The only person you can change is yourself.
So before you stop (or start) eating, gaining and losing weight and going through the changes of life or a man, JUST LET IT ALL GO. Change how you react to the situation and things will end up much better.
You can’t control his actions, you can only control yours and at the end of the day, your peace of mind is the only thing that’s important.
I truly hope this helps someone, because it works GREAT for me.
Just remember, men only do what you let them do.
Raise your standards and DON’T CALL HIM NO MO!
Tiphani Montgomery
