(Insert children laughing. Loud. Lots.)

My Child (kinda VERY upset): Everyone is getting wedgies except for me! When is it going to be my turn?

Random Girl (the wedgie queen): Give me a second…I’ll get you next.

My Child: Yaaaaaaaaay!!!

The Wedgie Queen: Ready?

My Child (anxiously awaiting her turn to be violated): Yup!

(Silence.)

(Followed by intense sudden screaming)

(Insert more children laughing. Loud. Lots.)

My Child: OMG! These panties are hard to get out!! It’s like you were born to give wedgies. You should be like a professional wedgie giver or something (I’m sure that somewhere in the world, this was a compliment).

There were so many things wrong with this scenario, but the one thing that disturbed me the most is how excited she was about the wedgie.

Must.

Re-evaluate.

My.

Parenting skills.

ASAP!

Befuddled,

Tiph